19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God;[a] for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’
20 No, ‘if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads.’
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:19-21 NRSVA
You don’t need me to tell you that we live in an imperfect world, where people do foolish and hurtful things, knowingly, or unknowingly to others.
But we are just flesh and blood, and the desire for revenge can be powerful however, St Paul’s letter to the Romans tells us that we must find different ways of dealing with the problem.
Revenge is ruled out. Instead, we are to find surprising new ways of dealing with people who hurt us.
This is a huge challenge for most of us
Getting our moral will around this is difficult, but it is in the letter to the Romans, so there it is in black and white.
But in essence, it means;
True forgiveness allows the one who forgives to coexist peacefully with the one who was forgiven.
We should note that this does not mean going soft on despicable behaviour.
Saying you shouldn’t take revenge isn’t a way of saying evil isn’t real, or that it didn’t hurt after all, or that it doesn’t matter.
Evil is real, it often does hurt, sometimes very badly indeed and with lasting effects, and it does matter.
Because we believe in a creator God who made a good and lovely world, we believe that anything that defaces and distorts, damages or spoils part of that creation is evil.
The question is, what are we going to do about it?
Taking revenge keeps evil in circulation.
Whether in a family or a town, or an entire community like the Middle East or inner-city gang culture, the culture of revenge, unless broken, is never-ending.
Both sides will always be able to justify further atrocities by reference to those they themself have suffered.
This brings us to the question of whether it is possible to forgive someone who isn’t sorry.
This passage says that even when someone isn’t sorry and there is no chance of full reconciliation, it is not only possible but actually commanded that we should still rid ourselves of any desire for revenge.
Instead, we should still fill any unfulfilled need they might have. So that, in turn, it may lead them to at least remorse or even to repentance and thereby to reconciliation.
Whatever the explanation, part of the point is that when we refuse to take revenge, and deliberately rid ourselves of the desire for it, we are taking responsibility at least for our own mental and emotional health.
Real, authentic forgiveness is in the heart, soul and mind of the wounded person
It is not a transaction between two or more people – I can only forgive you if you are sorry sort of deal.
It is an action chosen by the wounded party as he or she relates to the perpetrator of the wound.
The wounded party has no control over how the perpetrator feels about the incident.
But believe it or not, we can most definitely choose our response to any adversity we face in life – psychologically and spiritually.
By finding forgiveness in our hearts we are refusing to allow our own future lives to be determined by the evil that someone else has done.
I mean isn’t it bad enough that they’ve done whatever it was they did, but why should they then have the right to keep us in a bitter and twisted state?
This is what Paul meant when he followed up by saying it would prevent ‘evil from conquering us’.
St Paul also said ‘Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God’.
So we can spiritually, as well as psychologically, free our hearts and minds of vengeful thoughts knowing that God sees all things and knows the hearts of all, and He will one day set the record straight, one way or another.
Let us at that time be found as innocent as doves
St Paul was a wise man – he knew his Old Testament – he understood who Jesus was.
In these verses in his letter to the Romans he used the words of another wise man to back up his argument.
He used words written by King Solomon, some 3000 years ago, which now appear in the Old Testament Book of Proverbs as Wise words of Solomon.
All those years ago, Solomon said:
If your enemies are hungry, give them bread to eat; and if they are thirsty, give them water to drink;
for you will heap coals of fire on their heads, and the Lord will reward you. Proverbs 25 21-22
One Last Point
But when we confess what we have done wrong to God and ask his forgiveness, then he will forgive us, and so too should we forgive ourselves for things we might not have done as well as we could have.
